Euphoria and its antonym

Minsan hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko.
Tulad ngayon, I feel like I'm not myself today. This feeling- I hate this. It's too confusing.
What if I'm really not what I think I am?
What if I'm not what others think I am?
I'm so afraid. I'm still lost. I still don't know where to go.
Especially now.
I feel like there's no one I can run to.
I feel betrayed. I feel alone.
Again, there is only me in this dark, empty world of mine.

I want to cry.

But what for? For self pity?

Poor me... No one cries for me.
What the heck am I thinking?
Who will cry for me? Who will care for me?
Who will understand me? Or at least, try to understand me?

No one.

I need someone. But there's only me. Me. There is no one. I feel so empty.
I tried to look for that place where at least I can fit in. But often, I feel too small or too big. I just can't find my place in their world.
I tried to look for that someone who will at least try to understand me. I trusted everyone I know. But that just makes me feel more foolish.

At first I thought it was that simple. I tried to fit in. I thought I can fit in.
But my own feelings betrayed me even more than other people did.

I swear I won't trust anyone, not even myself.
What am I thinking? Am I that stupid?
Am I just thinking too much?

Maybe I am the problem. Maybe I should stop thinking this way.
But what else can I do?

Aaaah... Should I press the delete button, or let other people see that I am weak?

I don't care. No one would even care.

Wahaha! This is so foolish.
Well, at least i can express myself...

AAAHHHHH!!! PUTANGAMA!!!

Okey, tama na ang pagmumukmok. Harapin ang katotohanan...

I-TAE na lang lahat ng sama ng loob!

Wahooo!!!

Sometimes I think ignorance is happiness.